A Lesson

I recently went on a family vacation to Europe and now that I've come back, my friends keep asking me "how was it, how was it?!" So I say what I'm supposed to say..."oh, it was great!" and "the food was amaaaazing!" and "it was such a great experience!" And while these statements are all true, there is one thing that I want to say that I really shouldn't because it makes me sound like an ungrateful, complaining asshole (which is exactly what I am, but I don't want my friends to know that!): DO NOT GO TO EUROPE IN THE SUMMER! IT SUCKS! fdsafieowajmksla

Okay, perhaps this is a slight, slight exaggeration. But seriously, here is why you should not go to Europe between June and August:

1. It is freakin' hotttt! And not in the same way that the guy who plays Jacob in the Twilight movies is hot (he's legal now so I can say that without sounding like a total creepo-perv right? Right? Right?!) It is hot as in yes-I-grew-up-in-Texas-and-now-live-in-Virginia-where-the-summers-are-hot-and-humid-and-uncomfortable-but-Europe-summer-feels-like-Virginia-summer-plus-a-furry-parka-plus-I-lit-myself-on-FIRE.

2. When it is so hot, you must eat gelato and other frozen treats like at least 10 times a day to maintain a relatively normal body temperature (this may actually be the only pro for going to Europe at this time of year). But seriously, some days were pretty much a search for ice cream with a little sight seeing on the side. Like in Rome, there's history EVERYWHERE. We'd just be walking down the street and be like oh, what's this? A sacred place? Full of ancient pillars and tablets and whatnot? In the middle of a bustling neighborhood? Perhaps we should - ooh look, a Starbucks! Or Whoa! That's the Colosseum! When's lunch again?

3. Which brings me to point number three. When it is so damn hot, it's hard to concentrate on anything except NOT collapsing from heat stroke and NOT dying of thirst.

4. It is also hard to be a nice person. Like after a couple of hours of walking around in the heat, I'd find myself seriously itching to slap anyone who was smiling or laughing or otherwise showing signs of happiness/having a good time-ness (why are you so damn happy when I'm feeling like my skin is going to melt off?!!)

5. There are sooooo many people EVERYWHERE. Maybe because no one writes honest blog posts about how miserable it can be to go to Europe in the summer. But I wouldn't mind this so much if people understood the basic concepts of personal hygiene. Seriously, people were RIPE. Like, hey-I-haven't-bathed-in-a-month-and-I'm-trying-to-cover-up-this-fact-by-spritzing-on-some-Eau-de-Dirty-Construction-Worker ripe.

And that's all...once I become more computer savvy, I'll upload some pictures from ze trip.

A Rude Awakening

All my life, people have been telling me I was going to be a success. My parents, teachers, friends, standardized test scores, etc. have been working together for 22 years to inflate my ego to epic proportions. College made me suspect that I was actually not that special. Maybe I was smart, but so was everybody else! That's why we were all there! Also, I realized that I actually wasn't even that smart. Because it turned out that even though I could do basic multiplication in my head and read and all that jazz (things that I was extremely proud of), there were basic skills that I did not know even existed let alone possessed. Liiiike how to open a savings account. Or how to figure out the bus system and NOT end up in the boonies of Charlottesville when I just freakin' wanted some gelato goddamnit! Or how to resist having three desserts at every meal (I still haven't really mastered that one yet). Yet even though being a student helped me realize my true mediocrity, I was still relatively optimistic that I would be, if not wildly successful, at least somewhat not a loser. Yet here I am, two months after graduation, already unemployed and living with my parents. It took just two months to go from "young, fresh graduate" to "pathetic leech who may end up whoring herself out on the streets of suburbia to support her coke cupcake habit." So...if you think about it...that makes me a super-mega-prodigy slacker! I bet no one else has sunk so low so quickly! Yay me!