A Rude Awakening

All my life, people have been telling me I was going to be a success. My parents, teachers, friends, standardized test scores, etc. have been working together for 22 years to inflate my ego to epic proportions. College made me suspect that I was actually not that special. Maybe I was smart, but so was everybody else! That's why we were all there! Also, I realized that I actually wasn't even that smart. Because it turned out that even though I could do basic multiplication in my head and read and all that jazz (things that I was extremely proud of), there were basic skills that I did not know even existed let alone possessed. Liiiike how to open a savings account. Or how to figure out the bus system and NOT end up in the boonies of Charlottesville when I just freakin' wanted some gelato goddamnit! Or how to resist having three desserts at every meal (I still haven't really mastered that one yet). Yet even though being a student helped me realize my true mediocrity, I was still relatively optimistic that I would be, if not wildly successful, at least somewhat not a loser. Yet here I am, two months after graduation, already unemployed and living with my parents. It took just two months to go from "young, fresh graduate" to "pathetic leech who may end up whoring herself out on the streets of suburbia to support her coke cupcake habit." So...if you think about it...that makes me a super-mega-prodigy slacker! I bet no one else has sunk so low so quickly! Yay me!